For Jete

559705_10151598051556446_2079586236_n

Last Wednesday, my eight-year-old beagle, Jeter, was put to sleep.

Though I’ve never been particularly fond of the phrase ‘put to sleep’, it’s much easier to say than the alternatives. The most difficult part of this process has been the abruptness of everything: on Wednesday I was told he was undergoing tests and by that evening he was gone. I wasn’t there to say goodbye or to contribute anything to his passing. Instead I was over three thousand miles away, sobbing on my living room carpet.

We got Jeter in late summer 2005, the year I turned fourteen. He had come early from a breeder in South Carolina, which is why we said he always hated the cold – he was never meant to see snow. But in northern Pennsylvania he thrived, hunting rabbits and mice and groundhogs and developing a love for hiking and tracking. In the evenings he would sit in front of my grandparents’ oven, eager to sample whatever flavour cookie baked inside. When it rained, he spent the day curled up in his chair or on one of his many beds, with a navy fleece New York Yankees blanket covering him from nose to tail. On the occasions I slept on the couch or spent the night in my grandparents’ spare bedroom, he would find his way in, and I would awaken to him on my stomach or pushing to get under the blankets. He always found warmth, he always found love – when he needed it, he would let you know.

Jete’s passing has hit me as hard as any human’s would, almost as a child’s – we raised him from the time he was five weeks old, only able to sleep if he was nestled against a hot water bottle and a ticking alarm clock. I have been lucky to avoid experiencing a great deal of loss in my life and while I have gone through previous pets’ deaths, this one has been particularly difficult because of its lack of symptoms or signs. Through the course of the week I have made a good deal of progress, but coping is an ongoing ordeal.

On Friday, I sent a thank you card to the local veterinary office where Jeter spent his final moments. It was my way of being a part of the process, of being able to reach out. I have many things to thank them for, many that I didn’t even mention: the way they calmed him during his first shots, the way they cared for him when he had various ear infections, their advice when he needed to lose weight (too many treats), their concern when they found a growth in his throat, and their empathy when he had gone. They cared not only for my dog, but for my family – and I needed to thank them for that. It has helped me to find some level of closure in this situation.

Yesterday, my grandma picked up Jeter’s ashes. Although he will be kept in a special part of the house, I have asked that my grandpa take some of him on a walk in the woods, so he might always chase the bunnies.

unnamed

About these ads

3 comments

  1. Aw, I’m so sorry for the sudden loss of your beagle. I’m still not sure which is hardest to bare, a protracted illness or a sudden and shocking end. Even though it’s a while ago now, I still remember my little friend’s passing – I wrote about it here. I hope you’ll look back at the fun and warmth and love and mischief that he brought you, and of the hairs that you’ll be finding in that navy fleece for months. It sounds like he had a great life and he was so lucky to have been chosen by you.

    1. Thank you. I’m also sorry to hear of your loss – no matter how long ago, I know how fresh it can feel. Jeter was a good little boy, and despite the difficulties we’ve been left with, I am glad to know he’s no longer struggling.

  2. Very sorry for your loss and this experience is something I can relate to. We lost our family dog when I was still a kid and I remember crying about it for days. However eventually someone told me to be joyful for the time we got to spend together instead and that helped me get through the pain.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: